Entry #7: Love vs. Clan

As a young Native American woman its normal to find someone to be in love with or even want to marry. However it is very complicated to do so, there is age to consider, along with your type of interest, but most important it is clan. The work clan scares me to the point that when I here it brought up in a conversation, I want to switch topics. Clan by definition is a group of people united by actual or perceived kinship and descent.

But if asked by an Native American it means relation to you, relatives. Its very serious when the relationship is taken to the next level, to the point of marriage and reproducing.

The way to know what your clan is, is to ask your mother. It could get a little bit confusing but here is the simplest way. Every Native American has four clan names, wither they are half or a quarter Native American.  The first name is your mothers clan, because you were born from them. Second name is your fathers clan, because you came from them. Third name is your grandmothers clan. And fourth name would be your grandfathers clan name. It always starts with your mothers clan first out of respect and love. For example. in English, my clan name would be: Red Bottom, Coyote Clan, Salt Clan, and the last name. I don't know my grandmothers clan name on my fathers side.

So the number one rule of dating a Native American, if your Native American, is to make sure to know each others clan and to not be related by the first two names in your clan. If the other native has the same clan names of your parents clan, then there is not a chance your could date or marry them. It is Taboo to marry another native if they have the same clan name,

 If one were to break the rule and continue the relationship, they would be dishonoring both families. It would be compared to incest and the elders would look down on them. Another reason is that if they were to bear a child together, they is a chance of medical problems to the child and the child's physical state.

Coming from a first person experience, it is very hard on the heart to not be with someone you love because of that one name relation. However, its how we live and was raised to live by that rule. There are few who would break the rule and continue to love each other. But the rest of us will continue to live with that awkwardness of knowing we dated out cousin, by clan, and never again be loved by them.